he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
