He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
