I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
