i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
