Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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