Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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