I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize