You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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