you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
