I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
