singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
