you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
