Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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