I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
