Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
