There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
