I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
