im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
