all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
honey bunches of taint.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize