Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
