this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
