The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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