i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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