Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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