I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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