I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A+ Viking dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
