my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
