is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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