There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
