you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize