I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
