Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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