Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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