the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
