I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize