what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
