Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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