she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
