You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
