He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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