i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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