Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
