Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
