Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
