Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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