you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you had me at cake vodka
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
