So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
