a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
