I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
