I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
