I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
