Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
