he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
