just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ok first of all what the fuck
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
