Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
