I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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