Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize