FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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