This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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