You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
