forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm both gender and math confused
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
