I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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