he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You pole danced in your parka.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
