Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
