Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
