Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
