and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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